Everyday
Holiday card wording for family you don't get along with
Keep it warm, brief and free of history: wish them a good season, say you are thinking of them, and sign it. A holiday card is a hello, not a repair job. If you are unsure, “Wishing you a peaceful holiday season. Thinking of you” is safe nearly everywhere.
Five holiday card lines for complicated family
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season. Thinking of you.
Happy holidays. Hope the year has been kind to you.
Thinking of you this season, with no strings attached. Warm wishes.
Holding you in mind this season. Hope there are a few soft days in it.
Warm wishes for the holidays. Taking things quietly this year, with care from here.
Jump to a situation
- For divorced parents or split households
- For an estranged or low-contact relative
- When there's a new partner in the picture
- After a hard year in the family
- For kids in a complicated family
- When you're keeping a boundary
- For a neighbor or acquaintance
- When grief is part of the season
- After a falling out
- For in-laws and step-family
- For a relative going through a hard season
- For an older or distant relative
- When beliefs or traditions differ
- Signing and addressing tips
- Holiday texts
- What not to put in the card
Why holiday cards get weird
Holiday cards come with unspoken rules: who gets one, what to say, who to sign for, which photo to send. In a complicated family, each rule has a trap. The way through is to keep the card smaller than the problem. A short, warm line asks nothing, takes sides with no one and costs nothing to receive. You can always say more later, in a different way, if the relationship allows.
For divorced parents or split households
3 messages
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season. Thinking of you.
Happy holidays. Hoping the season is easy on everyone.
Wishing you and the kids a warm, quiet season.
For an estranged or low-contact relative
3 messages
Sending quiet holiday wishes. No need to reply. Hope the season is gentle.
Thinking of you this season. Wishing you well.
Hoping the year ahead is kind to you. Whenever you want to talk, I'll be glad to hear from you.
When there's a new partner in the picture
2 messages
Happy holidays to you both. Wishing you a good season ahead.
Wishing you both a warm and happy holiday.
After a hard year in the family
3 messages
Holding you in mind this season. Hope there are a few soft days in it.
Thinking of you this holiday. Wishing you peace.
It's been a year. Wishing you rest and kindness this season.
For kids in a complicated family
2 messages
Happy holidays. Hope something fun finds you this season.
Thinking of you and sending lots of love this holiday.
When you're keeping a boundary
3 messages
Warm wishes for the holidays. Taking things quietly this year, with care from here.
Happy holidays. Wishing you well from a distance.
Sending season's greetings. I'll be keeping the holidays small this year.
For a neighbor or acquaintance
2 messages
Happy holidays. Wishing you a calm end of the year.
Wishing you and yours a peaceful season.
When grief is part of the season
2 messages
Thinking of you this holiday. No cheer required. Just care.
The season can be heavy. Holding you in mind, no reply needed.
After a falling out
4 messages
A short note can open a door without pushing. Don't relitigate, don't apologise for everything, don't ask for a reply.
I've been thinking of you. Wishing you a peaceful season, with no expectations.
Whatever has happened, I hope you're well. Happy holidays.
I'd like to say hello this season. No reply needed.
Warm wishes to you and yours. My door is open when you want it.
For in-laws and step-family
4 messages
Wishing you a warm and healthy holiday season from our house to yours.
So glad you're part of our family. Happy holidays.
Happy holidays to all of you. Looking forward to seeing you when we can.
Thank you for making us feel welcome. Warm wishes for the season.
For a relative going through a hard season
3 messages
No need to be cheerful. Just thinking of you this season.
Wishing you moments of ease this season. No reply needed.
I know this year has been heavy. I'm thinking of you.
See also: Divorce support card · Sympathy card wording
For an older or distant relative
3 messages
Thinking of you this season. I hope you're warm, well and surrounded by good company.
I don't see you enough, but I think of you often. Happy holidays.
A small hello from our family to yours. Wishing you a lovely holiday.
When beliefs or traditions differ
3 messages
Use a greeting that is true for everyone.
Wishing you a peaceful season and a gentle start to the new year.
Warm wishes for the holidays, whichever ones you celebrate.
Wishing you rest, good food and good company.
Signing and addressing tips
- Use names both people recognize. When in doubt, use first names only.
- If a household has changed, address cards separately.
- Skip the photo card if it could hurt (a new partner, a missing family member).
- A handwritten line beats a printed one, even if it is five words.
- Do not include news you would not say aloud at their table.
Holiday texts
3 messages
If a card isn't going to work, a text is fine.
Warm holiday wishes. No long update needed from either of us.
Thinking of you this season. Hope it's gentle.
Quiet holiday care from here.
Addressing tips that reduce awkwardness
Envelope lines that reduce awkwardness.
- Use current names and householdsIf someone remarried or changed their name, use what they use now. When in doubt, first names only.
- “The [Last name] household” or first namesSafer than assuming who lives where after a split.
- Separate cards when neededTwo short cards can be kinder than one that forces a combined fiction.
What not to put in the card
Skip these landmines.
- Guilt trips (“We never hear from you”)A card is not a courtroom. Skip scorekeeping.
- Digs at an ex, new partner or “broken home”Keep adults' conflicts off the card, especially if kids may read it.
- Unsolicited religion or politicsUnless you know it is welcome. Warm season's greetings are enough.
- “Why don't you just make up?”Reconciliation is not your assignment in a greeting card.
- Long brag letters that ignore their hard yearA short kind line beats a glossy round-robin that stings.
- Addressing someone by a name or title they rejectedUse the name and household form they use now.
- Updates that compare householdsPromotions, trips and new houses read as scorekeeping.
- Passive-aggressive sign-offs (“Hope this finds you well, finally”)It will be remembered.
- A request for a reply or a visitA card should be an invitation to nothing.
If you're not sure whether to send one
If a card would help repair something, send one. If it would reopen something you're not ready for, it's fine to skip a year. A card isn't a verdict on the relationship, and it can be as small as one sentence.
Before you send it
- Send it early in December, so it reads as a greeting, not a reply to theirs.
- Address it to the household names you're certain of. Skip guesses about partners.
- Leave out the family newsletter for difficult relatives. One warm line is enough.
Our best lines on one printable page
The free wording pack collects our favorite lines for cards and texts on a single page you can print or copy from.
Open the free wording packRelated guides
This guide offers etiquette and wording ideas, not counseling advice.