About

About WhatToSay and the person who writes it

Hi, I'm Jessica Randel. I started WhatToSay because I kept staring at blank cards.

I was twenty-three the first time I sat in front of a sympathy card for a friend's family and could not write a single line. I had a pen, a good card, and about forty drafts in my head, and every one of them sounded either like a greeting-card cliché or like something that might hurt. I ended up writing “thinking of you” and signing my name. It was kind, and it also felt like I had flunked a test I did not know I was taking.

That feeling stuck with me. Over the next few years the same moment kept turning up in my life, and in the lives of people around me: a coworker's parent passes away, a neighbor has surgery, someone you love goes through a divorce, a long-time colleague retires, a pet dies. Each time the question was not “do I care?” It was “what do I actually write?” And when I went looking, the answers were either hundreds of lines in one giant list with no sense of who they were for, or sweet verses that sounded like nobody I know.

I noticed two things. First, the people who received my clumsiest messages almost never remembered the wording. They remembered that someone wrote. Second, the messages that landed best were short, specific, and asked nothing back: no “let me know how you're doing”, no “call me if you need anything”, no timeline for feeling better. That became the principle behind this site.

What I do here

I write every guide myself, in plain language, for real situations. Each page starts with wording you can copy, then explains which well-meant phrases tend to land badly and why. I group messages by who you are to the person (close friend, manager, coworker you barely know, relative you rarely see) because the right line for one is the wrong line for another.

The Writing Process

I draft, read the lines out loud, cut anything that sounds like a slogan, and test each one with a simple question: if I received this on a hard day, would I have to respond to it? If the answer is yes, I rewrite it.

• I prefer short wording that asks nothing back: no reply, no update, no timeline.
• I avoid advice about health, law or mental health. The guides cover etiquette and wording only.
• I update a guide when I improve the wording, and each page shows its last update date.

What this site is not

It is not medical, legal, financial or counseling advice. I am not a doctor, lawyer, therapist or grief professional. If someone you care about is in crisis, follow their lead and encourage them to contact a professional or emergency services; a card is a kind gesture, not a treatment.

How the site is paid for

Some guides include optional Amazon links after the wording. They are affiliate links, and I may earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. The wording never depends on them, and you will always find the wording first. Read the affiliate disclosure.

What I'd like you to take from this

You do not need to be eloquent. You need to be early, short and sincere. A line sent on Tuesday beats a perfect paragraph never written. If a guide here helps you send one message you were dreading, it has done its job.

Where to start

Most visitors start with the get well card guide or the sympathy card guide. Thank you for being the kind of person who is trying to find the words.

Jessica